Wednesday 29 July 2009

dot dot dot

Does my personality make me, or do I make up my personality?
Which comes first?
If I'm not moving, am I lagging or just at rest so I can push it when I need to?
Sometimes life runs on autopilot.
The feeling of being at ease means one is lacking emotion.
Does it matter my emotions are neither sky high nor down in the trenches?
If life were a symbol, this is what it would look like for the week (.........)

Maybe emotion is overrated.
Mood: Content.

Monday 20 July 2009

La lettre pour le muguet, moi parents, et moi destinée

If grace is mercy and undeserved favor, then it can never be demanded of.

I pray for the desire to come from within.
Beyond -the need to fulfill yet another duty.
Beyond -just so that good can be done.
Beyond -reason.

But.... just because.

Just because.... I want you to have it.
Just because.... I want you to be happy.
Just because.... I really, truly, care.
And I know you will do the same for me.
Cos you feel exactly the same as I.

If i ever find it by the Grace of God,
will you bless me.
Because your blessing means the world to me.

I thought I never bothered about what others may think.
But in the end, it really does matter.
It matters to me- every tiny bit.
Because you mean so much to me for me not to ignore what you think.

I am a girl of simple words.

Of a simple mind.

Of a simple longing:
To have, so I can offer.
Show me all that I can offer. If You will provide.

Saturday 18 July 2009

I Quit
I gave up before I gave it my all.

by Todd Casbon, as told to Christy Heitger-Casbon

As I peeled the sweaty, grass–stained clothes from my aching body, I thought about the last three exhausting weeks at football camp. By the grace of God I'd endured agonizing two–a–day practices loaded down in huge pads and melting in the hot August sun. When I ran, I felt like I'd pass out. When I stopped running, I was sure I'd throw up.

I wanted to feel the glory of a winning touchdown, but instead I went home every night bruised, battered, sore and stiff. I was sick of being hit, shoved, pushed down, beaten up. I'd had it. I decided to quit. Nervous about making my big announcement, I slowly made my way over to Coach Walker's* office door and knocked.

"Yeah!" Coach yelled, his voice raspy from years of shouting.

I stepped inside.

"Whatcha need, Casbon?" he asked as he scanned the newspaper that was sprawled out across his desk.

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. I didn't know how to ease into it, so I just blurted it out.

"I quit," I said.

Seemingly unfazed, Coach kept his eyes glued to the sports section.

"Why?" he asked in his familiar gruff tone.

"I'm not having any fun," I said lamely.

Coach closed the paper, adjusted his tattered baseball cap, and looked me straight in the eye.

"Cazzie, do you think anyone is having fun right now?" he asked.

I just shrugged.

"Son," he said, leaning in toward me. "These practices prepare you for the games. That's when the fun begins."

Yeah, right, I thought. Like I'll ever make it into a game. I never ran any play right. No matter how clearly the coach explained everything on paper, once I got on the field and the ball was snapped, the chaos of guys scattering every which way completely confused me.

Coach Walker placed his hand on my shoulder and said, "I'll make ya a deal. Stick it out this year and if you don't wanna come out again next fall, I won't hassle ya about it."

It sure didn't seem like a "deal" to me, but since no one ever won an argument with Coach Walker, I agreed.

When I got home from school, I hurled my book bag across the room and kicked my dirty Nikes high into the air.

"What's with you?!" my brother Scott asked as he jumped out of the way of a flying shoe.

"Why can't God let me shine in one stinkin' sport?!" I complained. "Is that too much to ask?"

I told Scott about the "deal" Coach had struck with me, and Scott smiled.

"I'm glad you're not giving up this time," he said, tossing me a Nerf football.

"When have I given up?" I snapped, purposefully nailing him in the thigh with the Nerf.

"Uhhh, baseball, basketball, piano." Scott said. "Want me to go on?"

"I just haven't found my thing yet."

"And at this rate, you never will," Scott said. "You can't do great at something the first time you try it."

"First time?! I've been at this for three weeks!"

"Some of the guys on your team have been practicing for years. Of course they're better than you."

"Thanks a lot!" I said, rolling my eyes.

"Listen, anything worth having takes effort," Scott said. "Like your good grades. That doesn't happen by accident."

"That's different," I said. "It's not painful to study."

"Wanna bet? I think it's way harder to study day after day than it is to take an elbow to the ribs. Hey, I don't blame you for hating the drills and stuff, but is there anything about football that you like?" Scott asked.

I thought for moment.

"Well, I have kinda gotten into weightlifting," I said. "I've been lifting with this guy Matt from the team, and even after just a couple of weeks we're getting stronger."

"So try focusing on the progress you're seeing," Scott suggested. "You won't reach your goals instantly, but every little bit gets you closer."

That night after dinner I went to my room to think. I wanted to figure out why excelling at a sport mattered so much to me. I think part of it was because my dad was a high school athletic director and I really wanted to make him proud. And then there was my ego. I knew that the jocks got tons of attention.

But even as I craved praise and popularity, it bugged me that I was so consumed by such superficial things. I thought about what Scott had said and realized that even though I wasn't a great football player, staying on the team had benefited me in several ways. I'd gotten into better shape, I'd discovered that I liked lifting weights, and I'd become really good friends with Matt.

I sat down on the bed and began praying.

Lord, sometimes I can't always see what's right in front of me because my thoughts, words and actions are driven by my own selfish needs and desires. Forgive me, God. I'm so grateful for the gifts you've given me. Please help me see your plan for me.

There were still plenty of times that season when my body ached to quit, but on those difficult days, I prayed for strength—not just the physical kind, but also inner, spiritual strength to carry on. Finally, toward the end of the season I made it into a couple of games. One, in particular, was really great. We were playing at the high school where my dad worked, and with five minutes left on the clock, Coach Walker put me in at running back. I just had one play, but it was awesome. I caught a 13–yard pass for a first down.

My heart raced with excitement when I heard my name called over the loudspeaker. I looked up into the bleachers and spotted Dad with a huge smile on his face. I'll never forget that amazing moment. If I'd quit when I felt like it, it never would have happened.

Sometimes when I'm overcommitted or totally stressed out with life, I still have to pull out of certain activities. But I no longer have the same knee–jerk response of wanting to quit simply because I'm uncomfortable. And though I never came to know the glory of a winning touchdown, I now know how great it feels to stick with something and see it all the way through to the end.

*Names have been changed

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Ignite Your Faith magazine.

Thursday 9 July 2009

The Greatest advantage

The fox in sheep clothing. Many know too well what this implies.
¨But I am not surprised! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is wonder that his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness.¨ 2 Cor 11:14-15

What is truth?
How do we know for sure?

The fact is, we can never know for certain.
We only know the truth by the facts that are presented to us.
And through our very own experience.

There can be no guarantee that if a place is supposedly holy, then everyone in the premise is to be righteous and pure, without doubt.

¨But I fear that somehow your pure and undivided devotion to Christ will be corrupted, just as Eve was deceived by the cunning ways of the serpent. You happily put up with whatever anyone tellls you, even if they preach a different kind of Jesus than the one we preach, or a different kind of spirit than the one you recieved, or a different kind of gospel than the one you bellieved.¨ 2 Cor 11:3-4

For Paul was aware of how the cunning ways of man can shrewdly work their way into the minds of a believer and corrupt oneś thoughts and shake oneś faith.

Have unshakable FAITH. Have your roots so deeply rooted in the truth that nothing can stand a chance to fall you.

Yet first, one has to ESTABLISH the truth.

The truth in the scriptures say:
¨Ask, and it shall be given to you.
Seek, and you shall find.
Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

For everyone that asks receives,
and he that seeks, finds,
and to him that knocks, it shall be opened.¨
Matthew 7:7-8

And how should we demonstrate this truth by the way we live?

¨So in everything, do to others what you would have then do to you, for this sums up the Law and the prophets.¨ Matthew 7:12

By placing GOD first and ceasing to think about you, yourself and I. Only then can He truly speak to you. Only when you be still and silent, can you hear His voice. Make the choice to find Him, to seek Him to Listen to His voice. And wherever He leads you, you have to make the conscious decision to follow.
For He will not force you. Though He can, He loves you too much to use force. Because Love cannot go hand in hand with coercion.

IF YOU TRULY WANT IT.
YOU WILL SEEK IT OUT.
No matter how the odds seem to be against you.
Persistence.
That is the power of the human will.

Show Him how much you really want Him by How much effort you are willing to put in to Seek Him out. Trust that He will reveal Himself to you when He wants to. Trust in His perfect timing.

TRUST is not control. It is to persist with all that you have. And let go.

Monday 6 July 2009

Sing a song of six pence- draw money in your mind

Karaoke. Music and lyrics. The thing about a song, is that, the musical component is universal. Where as, the lyrics that convey the message are only limited (or accurate to the extent) by the understanding of the audience according to their mastery or command of the language it is presented in.

As I run through the songs that have been made popular by the catchy tunes off the radio, I come to realize the horrors behind the lyrics as they portray a very dangerous interpretation of life in general.

so what do you do when the tune is amazing, yet, the lyrics are more than meets the eye?
I´m a firm believer in the practice of aversion tactics when it comes to blatant in the face temptation.
I guess when you strive to do something without hipprocracy, you cannot do anything without truly believing in it.
When believing in something goes against your core values, then I feel, one should let the former go.
Well, at least as long as its not beyond the confines of personal space maybe? Lest anyone should stumble upon hearing my participation in songs of a morally corrupt nature.

So yeah, karaoke songs should be picked wisely, lest one would cause another believer to stumble.
even how tempting the tune could be, I guess one can play tunes without lyrics (instrumental alone) and that would be perfectly fine for all. :)

Sunday 5 July 2009

Levelling

Understanding. Means you (Go under) to find out where the person is making his/her stand?
I guess if the meaning of this word is to be translated as that, it would be very apt.

You know, a blog is personal, yet somewhat a very public display of personal opinion.
I guess people should be given the freedom to voice out whatś on their mind and in their hearts.....

Yet have the authority to choose who to allow access and how much a person can exercise the use of comments.

Blogs are cool like that, are´nt they... hey? :)

Friday 3 July 2009

Be careful what you wish for or you just might get....

Itś interesting what happens whenever I get caught in episodes where I´m on an ¨ethereal¨ high, (you know, how you get so happy almost on the verge of hyperventilating). I just have to let it all out and pray aloud for God to take some away, for I cannot possibly live like that! It is good to eat. But feasting at every meal can lead to many health problems. So, the physician advised me: ¨Too much of a good thing can be bad for you.¨

Only in recent times, did I consciously make the choice to listen to His voice, that wherever He may lead, I will follow. Tuning in to the art of losing myself. In giving Him praise.

For I don´t know how everything will work out for the future, I couldńt possibly say that everything will be good. For what is good?

I get people who come up to me and ask, ¨So, what would you like to happen next?¨.
I could never give them a reply for certain on my specific goals or plans. They never come to mind. I only have preferences, never concrete life decisions. Instead, this verse resonates:

¨Now listen, you who say,¨Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.¨ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.Instead, you ought to say, ¨If it is the Lord´s will, we will live and do this or that.¨ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.¨ James 4:13-16

¨Why, even if you had the worst lot of patients to care for in the ward, that you don´t mind?¨
All I can say is, if it is His will that I be allocated this lot. I know I will emerge victorious. That if I accept my lot and set out to do what is required of me with the knowledge that He will surely guide me. I will be ok. Even if you thought you had a good lot, but what do we know about how the tables can turn in a minute from peace to chaos?

More often than not, plans always change for the better, without me having to manipulate the situation, yet, I take heed to remember --never to brag.
For it is by His grace that I am relieved of the supposed hardship that I would have to face. That I have no control of, and that I have no authority to claim ownership of luck.

He dispenses whatever He wishes. I can only propose to do such and such by presenting my requests to the Lord.

Ultimately, He takes control and He holds the reins.

And again I say ¨Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.¨ Philippians 4:4-7


Amen.